Steele Justice (1987)

Tagline:

You don’t recruit John Steele. You unleash him.

Movie Review:

I like to think I have seen most of the ‘bigger’ 80’s American cop/vigilante action films. You know, Cobra and everything in its wake. So how the hell did I miss Steele Justice? Well it turns out this film has languished in VHS-land until this year when Kino Lobber rescued it and put it on DVD and Blu-ray (the print looks great by the way) and I guess I just missed the video back in the rental days. I’m not even sure if it had cinema release out here in Australia.

It’s 1975 and John Steele (Martin Kove) is a soldier in the Vietnam War. The first shot of the film is Steele, standing on the back of a hovercraft holding a machine gun. I knew instantly this film would be 90 minutes of awesome. Sometimes you just know. Anyway, along with his fellow soldier Lee (Robert Kim), Steele gets double-crossed on a mission by General Kwan (Soon-Tek Oh, seemingly promoted from Colonel since his similar role in Missing in Action II). Kwan laid booby traps that involved hand grenades attached to rats. That is the most creative booby trap I think I’ve ever seen. Both shot by Kwan but not out, Steele hits back shortly after by throwing a knife into Kwan’s chest - that doesn’t kill him! Steele and his team escape, but Kwan promises he will get his revenge.

Jump forward to “now” (that is, 1987) and Steele is a disgraced cop-come-truck driver. After making an arse of himself and getting arrested, he’s bailed out by old friend Lee who now heads up the Asian Crime Task Force, particularly focused on the increasing problem in the area with - yup, you guessed it - Vietnamese crime gangs. The gang, lead by Kwan’s son Pham (Peter Kwong) kills Lee and his wife in an explosive and over the top display to which Steele takes personal offence to. His focus now is to revenge Lee, find out who is behind the gang (I totally spoiled that bit in the previous sentence, but you could work it out) and take them out in.. well I certainly won’t spoil the brilliant few end scenes for you. You’ll be satisfied. But I will say that he drives his truck into the middle of a pool hall straight through the window.

Reese: “It’ll take an army to stop him!”
Steele: “That’s why I’m here." 

Steele Justice is ten kinds of awesome. I had so much fun with it, and it begs the question - why wasn’t Martin Kove in more action hero films? He obviously acquitted himself in his roles in Rambo: First Blood Part II and The Karate Kid series but then he went to lower-budget action films like Shadowchaser, Judge and Jury and Shootfighter. He was certainly prolific and is a joy to watch in these films, but I think there was a missed opportunity after Steele Justice in not expanding this franchise Death Wish style, or giving Kove other lead action hero roles. Kove even managed to pull a few lines, the best ripping on Predator’s “Knock Knock” *boom* with “Good Morning!” *bang*.

Much of the fun in the film comes with the little added extras that make you go ‘huh?’. Lee’s daughter has a noticeable lisp. In the bar Steele frequents, there is a midget cowboy. Soon-Tek Oh in what I can only assume is a purple floral dress. Kove even added little eccentricities to enhance his character, like his pet snake he wears as a scarf during AND after the war (why?!) and a brilliant scene where he creeps through the pot plants in the mall just like he did in the Vietnam jungle. The music to the film is also top notch and there’s even a music video featuring aerobics being filmed within the movie that get’s blown to shit by Al Leong’s machine gun gang in their black . Just awesome.

The role call for Steele Justice kept me smiling and waving my invisible Go Team flag. First Soon-Tek Oh shows up, then I got a face full of Chief Ronny Cox, or rather Chief Bennett! I think he might even be wearing the same detective’s jacket he wore in One Man Force! He’s a bit more restrained here, similar to Beverly Hills Cop, and less like his excitable Dick Jones in Robocop. And who else do I spy but Bernie Casey (Under Siege, Another 48 Hours) as Detective Reese! His role is minor but provides the middle-ground between Bennett and Steele, and allows for Steele’s prison break to exact his final revenge on Kwan.

And did I mention Al “That Guy” Leong yet? He makes TWO appearances and even speaks once! That’s gotta be a record outside of Bill & Ted. It’s always the mark of great action with Al shows up, as I have mentioned in previous reviews he is in. Man I love that guy. He rocks the skullet hair and could give two shits what you think. Machine gun sprays aplenty when Al is on screen.

Director Robert Boris hasn’t directed much, but he appears to be an adept writer with credits including minor action films like Extreme Justice (with Lou Diamond Phillips) and Diplomatic Siege (starring Peter Weller). He did a great job capturing the fast-paced action of the film, and as writer on it as well has delivered a script that is all killer no filler. Steele rarely takes a break and there is very little in the way of slowdown. Honestly, I can’t really fault this film. It has everything an explosive action fan like me wants: guns, car chases, Asian gangs, sword fights, a bazooka, Al Leong, aerobics, weapons preparation montage, coke deals in a warehouse... Actually hold that - at no point did Steele visit a titty bar. I better dock half a point off for that.

FEEL THE STEELE!

Highlight:

This may be a spoiler so stop reading if you don’t want to know, but the best part by far is Steele’s glorious entrance into the coke warehouse on an armoured vehicle with a roof mounted minigun. Devastating! 

Trailer:

Crooked aka Soft Target (2006)

Tagline:

Don't ever trust the law.

Movie Review:

Talking with a work colleague the other day I postulated that there are three tiers of action hero: A-level stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham and Bruce Willis. B-level stars like Dolph Lundgren, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Wesley Snipes and Steve Austin. Sometimes A and B level stars mix - B-level stars may have had prolific A-level careers in the early days, and A-level stars may take a pay dive every so often to appear in something smaller. But then there are the C-level action stars who never really get above their stature, rarely invited to play with the big boys. I can't think of two actors that epitomise this more fully than Don "The Dragon" Wilson and Olivier Gruner. Perhaps we'll allow Billy Blanks to the party as well; bless him and his Tae Bo.

When I tell my friends what movies I watch on the weekend for this blog I usually get looks of puzzlement. This would definitely be one of those movies that would result in head scratching from anybody I tried to explain it to. Nobody in regular film-going circles knows who Don or Olivier are but I got real excited when I found that they were both in the same movie. Not only that, but stars from the past like Fred Williamson, Gary Busey and hell even Martin Kove were in this as well! That's solid direct-to-video action gold on paper... but in practice?

In short, not really. The basic plot of Crooked sees Fred Williamson in a glorified cameo role along with another detective protecting a snitch in a hotel. While the two play cards the snitch orders in some prostitutes (unusual for protective custody, but there you go). One of the girls freaks out and decides to wait in the bathroom while the other gets on with the job. That's when the cops are attacked by assailants known to the snitch and are killed. That's right Williamson is already out of the picture and we are ten minutes in. The snitch is killed after revealing he has money hidden in a locker but has lost the key. The girl waiting in the bathroom, Angel (Diana Kauffman) finds the key on the floor and makes a run for it.

Detectives Danny Tyler (Wilson) and Phil Yordan (Gruner) arrive on the scene and it's obvious the two don't get along. Gary Busey as Chief John Rouse, who spends the movie with crooked glasses and talking into his lapel.. actually maybe that's why the movie is called Crooked?.. thinks it's a great idea to pair this mis-matched couple of detectives up to find the missing Angel and protect her from the killers still on the loose. Martin Kove as Jake Lawlor spends the movie standing in hallways drinking coffee, until the final act when he finally picks up a weapon.

So you can see already it's a Don and Olivier vehicle and everyone else is just along for the ride. It could still work, right? Eh, sort of. The production values here are pretty bad; think early 2000's Seagal DTV movies as he was making his transition from silver screen to small screen. Bad lines, bad delivery, bad acting, bad shaky cameras, bad stock sound footage. The shaky cam was so bad at some points that the two cups of tea I had just had felt like coming back up again. IMDB says the budget was 2.5m. That's pretty low in this day and age and it shows, quite badly. At least a car gets blown up, that's a good use of the budget.

Danny, Phil and Angel stay on the move throughout the movie and whenever they stop they are eventually attacked. This leads Gary Busey to believe there is a leak among his team and he keeps a "close eye" on them. Martin Kove continues to stand in hallways. Olivier and Don try their best to be the new Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee in Showdown in Little Tokyo mis-matched buttoned-down cop and get's-the-job-done cop, but there is very little chemistry between them and the lines they are given to recite don't help. Phil in one scene tells Angel to her face that she is a "fucking whore" and in the next scene buys her lunch. This needed a better writer.

Enough of that crap, how's the action? Mediocre for the most, but Olivier and Don still bring the swinging high-kicks to the table which is good. Don brings his angry fight-face a few times which is outstanding and easily the best parts of the film. Some of the fights (there are a few) aren't too bad but again they suffer from being zoomed in too much with shaky cam and off putting generic punch, kick and firing sounds. The shootouts are quite average and at one point one of the thugs that attacks Don looks like a bum off the street, complete with beanie and grey beard. At least the picture from the cover with Olivier firing two pistols cross-arms actually occurs, which is more than can be said for most DTV action covers. There's a totally inappropriate dual sex scene that borders on soft-core between Phil and his wife and Danny and Angel. If you ever wanted to see Olivier Gruner in a foamy bath with a girl who has breasts the size of watermelons, Crooked is for you.

It sounds like I hated this movie; not so. I was entertained and didn't fall asleep. I just expected more from the cast but for that, in this case, I am blaming the crew and to a lesser extent the budget. Actors can only work with what they are given and what they are given here, for the most part, is bland and unfulfilling. Worth a rental or 99c pickup, but keep your expectations low.

The Video:

Nothing to write home about but a good enough widescreen picture on the R1 disc (under the title Crooked). The sound is fine except for the obvious budget issues that's caused by bad microphones. Runtime around 90 minutes.

Sourced From:

eBay for 99c.

Trailer:

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Final Equinox (1995)

Tagline:

The future of mankind has been stolen. Who controls our destiny now?

Movie Review:

There are really only two types of cop movie. There's the vigilante cop who doesn't play by the rules, gets suspended by his Captain and takes matters into his own hands to revenge his dead partner. Then there is the detective who is recruited by a special government agency to do an off-the-books mission to bring down an old enemy that got away from him, and gets double crossed for his efforts. In both cases the cop can be a drunk and/or drug user. Final Equinox is the latter type of cop movie, albeit with a sci-fi edge to it, and Joe Lara is that drunk, drugged up detective.

Joe Lara is a cop returning home from holiday with his girl. We are told it's the 'near future' but Lara is on a shuttle going past a space station so I don't know what they were thinking in 1995 when this flick came out. They arrive home and immediately Lara gets into a fight with his missus for some reason, and she leaves him home alone to get drunk. Simultaneously a gang of mercenaries do a break-and-enter at a security complex and steal an artefact, then organise a deal to sell it in an abandoned factory complex to a buyer. Using his 'near future' technology, the mercenary can see into the suitcase without it being open and notices the money is tainted. Martin Kove gives orders whilst lighting a cigar, gunfire ensues and the buyer ends up dead.

Joe Lara on the scene of the dead buyer the next day, sporting a hangover and bad breath, gets interrupted during his analysis of the scene by Commander Dreg who takes control of the case and wants to speak to Lara about a special mission. So they go to a titty bar (of course). Dreg is from some future CIA equivalent and really wants this artefact for some unexplained reason. Lara agrees to help because Kove is the 'one that got away' bad guy that he regrets having never caught.

Things don't go to plan when Lara tries the same trade as the first buyer and gets kidnapped, drugged, beaten and eventually released for a final chance at getting the money to them. He gets rescued by scientist-turned-hobo David Warner, who must have been low on cash this year, and tells Lara about the artefact. Basically it's an alien device that looks like a bowling pin painted silver with glyphs on the side of it and it predates all civilisation. Warner has worked out that turning the device on will terraform any planet with "trees and ferns", destroying what is already there. With that obvious power advantage Lara can see why Commander Dreg is desparate to have the device as well.

There are two reviews for Final Equinox on IMDB and as usual with the reviews on that site, are complete polar opposites. One reviewer gives is 9/10 saying it is one of the best films of its time. The other gives it 1/10 saying if you want a headache, watch this movie. I'm sitting in the middle - this one was all right, but only just. It was totally devoid of humour and the producers were obviously trying hard to make an interesting action-thriller with a sci-fi tone to it. The problems are many but most can be explained away by the low budget. This was probably made for cable television and on a tight time line. Things like the night time scenes being obviously filmed during the day but with a blue lens on the camera support this. If it wasn't for the space shuttle scene at the beginning (and the ludicrous ending) there wouldn't be much 'near future' about this at all.

Actually I lie about the humour. Whoever chose Martin Kove's outfit was totally having a laugh. Nice chains! (see the last screenshot at the end of this review). And Lara's straight-line eyebrows always raise a smile (though they don't raise his eyebrows, geddit?).

Most of the action isn't bad. There's about three shootouts and Lara kicks a few people around as well. Nothing hugely memorable in the action but it does the job. No explosions at all, which is a big disappointment. The final fight is easily the most interesting and some tension is actually built around this alien artefact and what would happen if it was actually used. Along with the bar scene there's also two random sex scenes; hooray for boobies and all that.

Hang in there for the craptacular ending. Atrocious 90's special effects that you couldn't even get away with in a children's TV show these days are definitely the highlight and the only other (unintentional) piece of humour in the whole affair. Worth the $2 entry alone.

The Video:

Decent enough full frame picture though the dark scenes are pretty lowly lit. The bit-rate is low on this cheapo DVD so macro-blocking is evident in fast scenes. The audio is generally okay but I had to turn it up loud to hear conversations; sometimes it seems there was no ADR and the actors were barely whispering, or bad synth music was laid over the top in post. Runtime approx. 90 minutes.

If you pick up the $2 RRP Flashback Entertainment DVD, ignore the lengthy synopsis and screenshots on the back. It's for another sci-fi movie starring Stephen Nichols called Phoenix! It doesn't sound bad actually so I might track it down.

Sourced From:

A two dollar store. Outside Australia I think this might only be available on VHS.

Trailer:

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Alien Lockdown (2004)

Tagline:

It's time to prey.

Movie Review:

First of all, you may have noticed I have dropped the "Back of DVD" part of the review. Unless it's funny for some reason, from now on I won't be putting it on my reviews; they tend to give too much of the plot away I find. I'd prefer to do that in my review if it's going to be done at all.

Alien Lockdown is a Nu Image production that was made for the Sci-Fi channel and stars John Savage (Soldier's Revenge) as a mad doctor, James Marshall as his wacky computer geek assistant and Michelle Goh (Out for a Kill with Steven Seagal) as the rough and ready Ripley.. I mean Talon.. who is doing "one last job" for the black ops army before retirement.

The movie starts with a history lesson; in 10,000 BC a meteor crashed to earth. Inside it was a chest that contained a green emerald thing. Apparently the power it yields can control armies, you know the story. The chest is rediscovered in an archaeological dig (think Stargate). Flash forward to the present and the Doctor is in his lab with a bunch of other scientists doing a demonstration of his new creation - an alien hybrid of all the most powerful animals on the planet, a genesis courtesy of the emerald and the decoding of its contained information by James Marshall's character. It has shell like skin that breaks scalpels on contact so you know it's tough. Assured by the good Doctor that it is pacified while in the lab (for some reason), of course the bloody thing gets loose and kills everyone, except the Doctor and James Marshall.

That's when Michelle Goh as Rip-.. Talon is brought in with a team of army guys to do a "clean up" of the lab. That means blow it up and kill everyone. This is when it really becomes obvious that the producers wanted a half Predator movie and half Aliens movie. We get the scene in the helicopter where we meet all the tough army guys and Michelle Goh, like Schwarzenegger in that scene, just sits back and watches, not getting in on the hilarity and bonding. Once they land it switches into Aliens mode - lot's of stealthy walking around dark corridors with machine guns, lot's of military commands ("Flank left", "Cover the rear", "Watch those corners" - well some of those I may have taken straight from Aliens but you know what I'm talking about). They even have bleeping tracking monitors to locate the creature.

The movie proceeds exactly how a low budget reinterpretation of two famous movies squished together would. The black ops team bust in, find the Doctor and his geeky assistant, and keep getting attacked by the creature on the loose, losing team members one by one until only Michelle Goh remains. Oh come on I'm not giving anything away here; as soon as I said "Aliens" you all thought "Only Ripley lived through that, with one other guy and a robot".. well there is no robot here but Goh does make it to the end with one other guy, and the Doctor is nuts and obsessed with the creature the same way the android from the first Alien is ("I admire it's purity.") The horror element is fairly mild as this was made for TV, but there are a few close ups of bloodied bodies and and the creature chewing on human remains.

Goh's character is done pretty well actually. Tough and emotionless from the outset, it's hinted at early on that she has feelings for one of the soldiers. He of course bites it and after his "leave me here" scene, she has a bit of a teary and explains to the one other survivor re: the other guy why this was her last job and why she is expendable. It's actually tactfully done and not cringeworthy like most emotional scenes in movies like this. Everyone else does a good job with their roles though there is nothing really to write home about, though John Savage's mad scientist is pretty effective, especially when he has a violent rant about how awesome it is that we are all going to die. Goh get's the best throw-away line, paraphrased from Predator: "If it can be penetrated, it can be killed." Oo-er.

The alien itself actually looks pretty good. Thankfully they went down the 'man in a suit' route like the aforementioned movies and not some CG abomination. The face is ripped off from the Predator and has the same mandibles but the skin and back and the way it moves are very Alien. Honestly it looks pretty good, though I'm sure the darkness helps masks any flaws. Later in the movie when the baby ones turn up they are done with average CG and look about as realistic as the swarms of scarab beetles in the Mummy movie (the awful one with Brendan Frasier). The CG helicopter at the beginning and end is a bit of a let down as well. The sound stage is pretty good too with lot's of realistic gun-firing, metal on metal sounds and the creature's roars.

I made it all the way through this, only checking the time to go once and an hour had passed at that point so that's pretty good. Surprisingly, if you are in the mood for something entirely derivative, Alien Lockdown comes recommended. Damn it, someone is cooking a steak outside my window and now I want one. That's nothing to do with this movie, I'm just on a roll here.

The Video:

Unfortunately the Australian release DVD was trimmed from 1.78:1 to 1.33:1 and the 5.1 DD soundtrack muxed down to a stereo. Disappointing but the overall presentation is still pretty good. The single-layer disc does mean the bit-rate is a bit low which is evident in the early Iraq scenes and some of the dark scenes in the complex. Overall though not bad and the soundtrack is quite punchy. Runtime 88 minutes.

I'm feeling lazy today and happen to have a download of the widescreen DVD as well as my own DVD so I used that for the screenshots. I'm pretty sure that's the edition you get in the US actually so is more representative for buyers anyway.

Sourced From:

A video store fire-sale for about a dollar.

Trailer:

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